Gaining Confidence as a Writer

It doesn't happen overnight. In my case, it's taken over eight years and I still have a ways to go.

Photo by Kane Reinholdtsen on Unsplash

It’s been a while since I last posted.

How many times have I begun a post with that sentence?

…

I was going through my “Writing” emails yesterday evening. Earlier in the day, I had signed my first writing contract in over eight years. A book review I wrote almost two months ago will be published in a pretty prominent (online) magazine. When? I have no idea, but hopefully before the end of the year.

So, I wanted to reflect on my writing journey, to see how far I’ve come along. Luckily, I saved every email regarding every submission, rejection, or acceptance I’ve received.

In one of those emails, an editor I had worked with back in 2016 — when I was a regular contributor for The Tempest — mentioned that I use italics way too much.

I use italics in my writing way too much, you say?

Of course, being the deferential girl I once was to perceived authority, I probably removed all usages of italics.

She was probably right in that I probably did liberally hit that I button.

But that was over eight years ago. I think I’ve improved and gained more confidence in my writing since then. The articles I had written for The Tempest were among my first that had ever been published. It was so exciting to be recognized by other writers and editors who were more established than me.

I think back to that time. I was still a newlywed, adjusting to a new reality and being away from my family for the first time. I’m not sure how I mustered the courage to even write my first pitch - about how I met my husband. It must have been because I was still in the state of euphoria of the honeymoon phase. Oh, how blind I was.

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Even though I’m still working on confidence overall, my newish public-facing job has forced me to be more confident. I’ve given short speeches without much advance notice, I’ve moderated Q&As for lectures, I’ve had meetings with several community members who didn’t like what I had to say about the situation in Israel and Palestine — and at least one of these meetings was tense the entire time.

These are things that 30-year-old Rafia would have been so afraid of doing. Heck, I was afraid up until the very moment and throughout.

But it’s all from Allah (swt). I think it’s God’s way of gently nudging me to become the person I was meant to be.

This new job has forced me to reckon with the fact that no matter what I do — and no matter how careful I think I am being — some people will not like me simply for who I am or what I stand for.

And because my writing is so personal, the same goes for my writing as well.

That’s not to say that I don’t want to be externally validated in my writing or in the work that I am doing. I recognize validation is a human need, so I try not to obsess about it as much.

One thing I can say with full confidence today is that I am a writer and I can write. Some might even say a good one.

It doesn’t mean that everyone is going to like my writing.

And it doesn’t mean that I can’t use more editing help.

Writing, like this entire life, is not a destination - it is a journey.

So, if you were like I once was, don’t give up. Rejection is part of the process. You may not have a million/thousand/whatever subscibers and that’s okay. Over the years though, you’ll find people who get your writing.

P.S. How distracting really were all the italics in this post? I was a bit heavy-handed just to prove a point ;)