I have been volunteering with the Muslim Literary Festival since March. Not only am I so passionate about the mission of this organization, being a part of the programming team has given me a sense of purpose again, after my experience earlier this year had me questioning my ability to do pretty much anything.
Through my involvement, I will be meeting with a literary agent in a few days!
I am so excited but also nervous.
Umm… what am I supposed to say?
Though this meeting is no guarantee I’ll have secured an agent by the end, it still feels like a milestone in my writing/publishing journey.
At first, I didn’t think I was ready to pitch. I mentioned that I was only meeting for the purposes of consultation. But after looking at my current manuscript and going through past fellowship applications, I realized I have what I need to pitch. I didn’t get started on that book proposal I told myself I was ready to begin writing two months ago, but I do have a 1-3 sentence elevator pitch prepared, an author bio, my first ten pages — while not perfect — are good enough (I think)… so what am I waiting for?
I think I might be my own worst enemy. In some ways, I am not ready to fully share what this memoir is about. But I also know that another revision is not going to suddenly make me more ready.
As I wrote in my journal earlier today, I believe in my project.
A complicated father-daughter relationship, a multigenerational immigrant journey, lifelong body image issues, facing mortality, reconciliation, and forgiveness.
I think it’s important, because it’s not just about me - it’s for anyone who has gone through something similar or is interested in learning more.
Will everyone like it? No. Some people will not be interested in my faith journey, and that’s fine, but I also do believe there will be at least one agent or editor who will think there’s promise.
Will it be the first person I talk to? Highly unlikely.
But I can’t give up. I’ve put too much into it. I am not going to quit this project. It means too much to me.
When I begin to doubt myself, I have to remind myself of my running journey. A formerly morbidly obese girl who now trail runs for fun. It wasn’t easy and it certainly didn’t happen overnight, but each day I put on my laces and get past those first two miles, I prove to myself more than anyone else that I am much stronger and resilient than I think I am.
If there is one thing I have learned this year is that I can also be quite tenacious.
A writer needs to be tenacious.
This post was really a pep talk for me ahead of my meeting, but I hope it can also serve as an inspiration for other people who might be going through something similar, whether it’s with their writing, running, or any other practice they love but sometimes doubt they’re good enough at.
Maybe the term “good enough” should be banished. There’s always going to be someone better/smarter/prettier/thinner/ more “perfect” than you. What matters is that you are doing the thing you love and can see how it’s tranformed who you are as a person today.
I needed these words. Thank you for your writing and for sharing your journey. I’ve been having such a hard time getting back to my memoir, and your words inspire me.
I really like what you shared about tenacity. So true. Sometimes it’s just about getting the words on the page, and then momentum keeps us going.